TheCathrynMarie

Tonight I watched VH1’s “Single Ladies”, my boo @LammanRucker was on this weeks episode & although I truly don’t care for the show, I had to watch it in his honor. While watching it I realized I’m somewhat like Stacy Dash’s character, Val. I’ve never been one of those females who dates more than one person - I don’t have time to try to keep up with people & I’ve just felt as if its too confusing. I never seem to have an interest in more than one person at a time - that is until now :-/…

Since March I’ve been dating an older gentleman, like 15 yrs or so older (he’s actually the second guy mid 40s I’ve talked to this year lol) & he is flipping AMAZING! Easily one of my very best friends now. We have SO much fun together - he’s like the best thing I’ve dated EVER but I don’t have “romantical” feelings for him for me to feel “hes my future”, I just have major fun w/ him and I LOVE being able to talk to him & know that he is very supportive. Not having someone in my life in a serious fashion, so I continue to date & enjoy him.

Fast forward to a month & a half ago when a friend of 15 years expresses to me that he has always liked me. With him, there’s ALWAYS been a mutual attraction & I know that I can trust him. Everything just made sense for me to want to move forward with him & dismiss my relationship with with the older man. Taking things slow (not intimate yet), my long time friend & I may be moving TOO slow for my taste. It dawned on me yesterday that although I knew I didn’t know him personally & on THAT level, I really don’t know him. I’m learning that he may in fact not be someone I would actually continue to date if he weren’t who he was. Now I am wondering do I continue to feed him information as to the man that I do like, which may in fact be him & he doesn’t know that he needs to express to me that hes that man because we are so comfortable with the friendship or if he just isn’t that guy & I should be re-thinking the dismiss of my older friend, who makes me happy in a different sense?

I can’t handle this having two fellas in my life. I want to just focus & be patient with my friend but I don’t know if he has earned my giving up the fun I’m having with the older man because he has done NOTHING to step up to the plate. Of course with no titles & taking it slow, it makes sense for us both to continue to date others while we figure out what we’re doing but I feel guilty & like I’m doing wrong :(